“It seems to me, you can’t turn back the hands of time…”
Happy Easter Sunday, party people! Big ups to Jesus! Last night I was up half the night pretending to be friends with my neighbors who had a full on fiesta in the alley until well past noise ordnance hours but, guess who can't get annoyed with pure joy and family time?! I'm glad they got that time together so I sat there just vibing to mariachi from bed with them bc my adhd wouldn't allow me to focus on anything else...
That and the fact that it's my yougests 8th birthday today that got me thinking about my dad, as usual. It's easy to be reminded of the people who are no longer with us that made the holidays good, during the holidays. Not too long ago, I had a medium give me a reading and a friend chimed in regarding my dog and said that my dad either is in eevee or he sent her to me, either way she is of him for me and that make a ton of sense to me and of course got me thinking about how I always say that now that I'm older I wish I had my dad here to take care of like he always took care of me. I owe him so much that I never got to say or do for him bc I was in my late 20's, had a family of my own that kept me very busy and honestly I was selfish, I didn't want to see my dad that way. I did not handle his sickness well, I handled him in a nursing home SO. MUCH. WORSE. and it wasn't until after he was gone that I realized how wrong I was for putting my feelings over my fathers probable need for support in those moments, I live with that daily. I live with the fact that I will never be able to provide for my father what he provided for me, my only hope is that he knows, and he does I feel, that he is still my hero and still the person I pull from on bad days and how much I love him unconditionally.
Now, back to the dog... lol! I've never been a big animal in the house person but this dog and I have some type of bond that I've never had with another animal, just like the bond I've never had with another person in this life like I do with my dads soul. It might sound stupid but what if this is my opportunity to give back to his soul a little by the bond I have with the dog he sent my way when I needed her the most? What if he knows that my soul is aching over the fact that I didn't handle his time of need the way I would now? Of course he knows, and of course he hates it bc why would he want me to live with that shame and guilt and regret? He wouldn't. Ever. Not in the physical world and especially not in the spiritual world.
Aside from the dog though that situation has given me the opportunity for tremendous growth. I was able to be present for my grandmother when she was in hospice which I wouldn't have been able to do for my own selfish reasons (looking back) bc I know the guilt I carried putting my own emotions over my father in his last days and I dug DEEP and did what I needed to do for her when she needed us and our love. I say it often and I truly believe it, my father was the one who guided me through life and taught me most of my real life lessons, that was just his very last gift to me, the lesson of putting the people you love over yourself even when it may break you. Put your loved ones needs over your own when they need you. Lesson learned and while I still struggle with forgiving myself (he's long since forgiven me, he knows my heart and intentions and the why and I honestly get the disassociation from him but, I'm not gonna point fingers here old man (lol), I was wrong. He taught me to that and how to reflect, work through and CHANGE that behavior and I'm just forever grateful for the life lessons he's taught me and the reflection he continues to assist me with. The power of unconditional love will always last long after we leave this world physically, some bonds will never be broken.
Long story short, you cannot get time back. You cannot go back and change how you did something, said something or made someone else feel when it's done but, you can reflect and change those behaviors before it's too late for YOU and you have to learn the same painful lesson. Be there for your people even if it hurts, it will hurt worse later if you don't. Show up and tell people you love them and you're there for them. Make sure the people close to you know it and most importantly FEEL it. Make good choices and think before you speak or make decisions that you know inside are selfish. One moment of selfishness could lead to a lifetime of regret and a journey of self forgiveness.
Love fiercely today! Do something rad for other people and push yourself out of your comfort zone for others when they need it more than you do.
Love y'all!
Daddy Daughter pic for wholesomeness. Lol
xoxo,
